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why me?
Okay, so, guy I meet once at a party. We, among other peoples, have arrived rather ahead of the crowd. Me, being me, introduces myself and initiates a conversation. Just chatty things to keep the conversation moving.
It's a little difficult at the party at first, because there aren't too many people around - maybe a dozen, and most of them seem to know each other. So they cluster and, in spite of the fact that it's supposed to be an outwards-looking, welcome-to-Sydney group, cliques of conversation form. Unless you're willing to take the plunge and butt in on other people's conversations, well, you're just going to hover around on the outside of the groups, holding the drink with the pink umbrella and looking like a right noddy.
So, me, being me and figuring that I can look stupid not trying or I can look stupid doing something, just plunges in and starts introducing myself. This guy tends to sort of hover at the edge of the group at first, but seems to struggle a little to strike up conversations. It doesn't help that he's not just socially awkward, but rather unattractive to boot.
Let's face it, if you look like Hugh Jackman, you don't have to be fantastic conversationalist (although it kinda helps to have a bit of fluff between your earlobes if you're a guy). If you look like Angelina Jolie, you don't have to be a fantastic conversationalist at all. Because chances are, most guys out on the town aren't listening to anything you're saying, unless it's, "I want to have wild monkey sex with you right here, right now. Take me, you stud!" This is the way of the world. And, trust me, there were some stunning young women who walked in that night and just wandered into conversations and were welcomed because they had big blue eyes and perfect complexions, while I felt a) like a downright dowd, b) struggling to hold conversations with all but a few people.
Anyway, Socially Awkward Guy finds a couple of people to converse with, allowing me to not feel like I've suddenly developed A Satellite That I Don't Particularly Want, and I wander off and chat with a variety of other interesting people over the course of the night.
I leave the party early, say 'bye' to the handful of people I've met that night, make arrangements to meet up with one of the women for Chinese (still haven't done that, feel like a right eedjit doing it now, but just sent a text message on the off-chance...and she's just replied - woohoo!), and head out.
Next day, the guy has friended me on the forums that we both hang out at. Fair enough. He invites me to look at his profile and his travel pics. I...didn't actually take him up on that and didn't reply. I got another reply asking where I was about a month later, with the same invitation to check out his profile and travel pics, and yes, I ignored it again. I felt kinda bad - Geek Social Fallacies at play - but I resisted the urge to reciprocate because I felt I should. One thing I really don't want is for him to get The Wrong Idea.
That was a couple of months ago - March. I haven't been to any of the CS events since. Haven't felt like it on the nights they fell.
But yesterday, he found me on Facebook and friended me.
*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
I'm beginning to feel just slightly stalked.
It's a little difficult at the party at first, because there aren't too many people around - maybe a dozen, and most of them seem to know each other. So they cluster and, in spite of the fact that it's supposed to be an outwards-looking, welcome-to-Sydney group, cliques of conversation form. Unless you're willing to take the plunge and butt in on other people's conversations, well, you're just going to hover around on the outside of the groups, holding the drink with the pink umbrella and looking like a right noddy.
So, me, being me and figuring that I can look stupid not trying or I can look stupid doing something, just plunges in and starts introducing myself. This guy tends to sort of hover at the edge of the group at first, but seems to struggle a little to strike up conversations. It doesn't help that he's not just socially awkward, but rather unattractive to boot.
Let's face it, if you look like Hugh Jackman, you don't have to be fantastic conversationalist (although it kinda helps to have a bit of fluff between your earlobes if you're a guy). If you look like Angelina Jolie, you don't have to be a fantastic conversationalist at all. Because chances are, most guys out on the town aren't listening to anything you're saying, unless it's, "I want to have wild monkey sex with you right here, right now. Take me, you stud!" This is the way of the world. And, trust me, there were some stunning young women who walked in that night and just wandered into conversations and were welcomed because they had big blue eyes and perfect complexions, while I felt a) like a downright dowd, b) struggling to hold conversations with all but a few people.
Anyway, Socially Awkward Guy finds a couple of people to converse with, allowing me to not feel like I've suddenly developed A Satellite That I Don't Particularly Want, and I wander off and chat with a variety of other interesting people over the course of the night.
I leave the party early, say 'bye' to the handful of people I've met that night, make arrangements to meet up with one of the women for Chinese (still haven't done that, feel like a right eedjit doing it now, but just sent a text message on the off-chance...and she's just replied - woohoo!), and head out.
Next day, the guy has friended me on the forums that we both hang out at. Fair enough. He invites me to look at his profile and his travel pics. I...didn't actually take him up on that and didn't reply. I got another reply asking where I was about a month later, with the same invitation to check out his profile and travel pics, and yes, I ignored it again. I felt kinda bad - Geek Social Fallacies at play - but I resisted the urge to reciprocate because I felt I should. One thing I really don't want is for him to get The Wrong Idea.
That was a couple of months ago - March. I haven't been to any of the CS events since. Haven't felt like it on the nights they fell.
But yesterday, he found me on Facebook and friended me.
*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
I'm beginning to feel just slightly stalked.
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maybe politely tell him you are not interested?
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NOT fun.
*hugs*
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be careful.
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But yeah, you have to be extremely careful with guy getting the wrong ideas. Usually to them "No" means "Maybe" and "Maybe" means "Yes." :/
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And yeah about the No=Maybe and Maybe=Yes.
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Well, I can make it private, at least!
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I'd say Facebook is evil but that goes without saying. Creepy dude.
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But, yeah. I'm a little creeped out. It's one thing if we'd been in regular contact, but...you know, chatting once at a party and I'm pretty sure I haven't responded to anything he's sent me yet. So...yeah, I find that stalker-ish.
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But it still goes! Social networks just make life CREEEEEPY. *gets off her soapbox*
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THIS! SO MUCH THIS OMG!
And the thing is that so many guys will not get this. They're not being stalker-ish! They're being friendly! Really! You're overestimating yourself if you think he's interested!
*shudder*
Oh, I'm going to reject it. I only friend people I know from LJ or via real life, with the very occasional and rare exception. Some people I'll friend if I've met them once; but...people who make me feel uncomfortable? No.
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Hang in there. Eventually, he'll find some new target and amble aimlessly off. The nice thing is that, usually, these guys are so... out of it... that they really don't do much except send the occasional text message. They're harmless (though that doesn't make it any less creepy).