I love the Heckler
Mar. 8th, 2005 09:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seldearToday's example: Why Camilla Is Cool For Being Ugly.
I have to say, some of the things her 'friends' said are awful. I surely hope she's joking about what they said, because that's just plain mean. To say nothing of stupid and thoughtless and idiotic.
Rosemary Lewis admits to having something in common with good ol' Camilla.
Three cheers for Camilla! I think she's fabulous. She's committed the most unforgivable sin, and she might just get away with it. Being divorced? No. Slipping her toes into Diana's lace-ups? No. Wanting to be a princess when she's got a face like a walrus? Bingo.
Charles could have picked a lady with an IQ in single figures who farts like a donkey, but as long as she had the face of an angel it wouldn't matter a bit.
The comedians are on cloud nine. Camilla looks like a man. She looks like the front end of a horse. She looks like the back end of a horse. On it goes.
I agree that Camilla is, well, "unprepossessing", but after that I break ranks. You see, if I concentrate hard and scrunch my eyes up really tight, I can concede that beneath that skin might be something that excites Charles's heart, mind and other bits.
Perhaps this amazing mental feat is due to the fact that, like Camilla, I am ugly. My ugliness arrived at puberty and is expected to stay with me until I breathe my last. I'm used to my lopsided eyes and sticky-outy teeth. What I can't handle is the baggage. Not mine. Other people's.
"Ugly" is a term which carries an enormous array of words bundled up behind it. To call someone ugly is to say they're none too bright, lack personality, and are capable of only three emotions: sad, hurt and jealous in a pathetic kind of way.
All this makes them ideal best friends. It's fun to talk about your emotional problems with your ugly best friend. For example, an (ex-)friend: "It's awful. I don't know if she wants to be friends with me for me or because I'm gorgeous. You're so lucky. That's a problem you'll never have."
Ugly people are dull. The most glorious moment in an ugly person's life is still duller than the dreariest moment in a beautiful person's. It is most frustrating, having battled blizzards for days, to bang open the bar-room door, prop a supine yeti against the counter and exclaim, "Well, that was harder than I thought!" - only to realise at that exact moment a bombshell has burst through the opposite door with, "Gosh! That snow is cold!" Invariably the collective response is: "Yes, it is cold. Can I buy you a gluhwein?"
Ugly is not just an adjective, it's an accusation. But what can I do when an (ex-)friend says, "You can come to my wedding, as long as you stay out of the photos?"
Should I have a DNA transplant and hope my new face grows before the big day? I decided to tell her I'd spend my life savings on dangerous cosmetic surgery because she's worth it, but then I remembered: as an ugly person, I'm not clever enough to lie.
Ugliness does have its compensations. It's ripper, for example, at sorting friends into those who can think beyond the face. In fact, should a beautiful person offer to swap faces right now, I'd graciously decline.
So, here's to your very good health, Camilla. Rip off that veil and let your face shine upon us. You've clubbed your yeti and won't let him go. The gluwein's on me.
--
Today's word count: 2,500 in SG-1 fic. Does not count other stories. I could maybe get to 3,000 before the end of the night. Maybe.
I have to say, some of the things her 'friends' said are awful. I surely hope she's joking about what they said, because that's just plain mean. To say nothing of stupid and thoughtless and idiotic.
Rosemary Lewis admits to having something in common with good ol' Camilla.
Three cheers for Camilla! I think she's fabulous. She's committed the most unforgivable sin, and she might just get away with it. Being divorced? No. Slipping her toes into Diana's lace-ups? No. Wanting to be a princess when she's got a face like a walrus? Bingo.
Charles could have picked a lady with an IQ in single figures who farts like a donkey, but as long as she had the face of an angel it wouldn't matter a bit.
The comedians are on cloud nine. Camilla looks like a man. She looks like the front end of a horse. She looks like the back end of a horse. On it goes.
I agree that Camilla is, well, "unprepossessing", but after that I break ranks. You see, if I concentrate hard and scrunch my eyes up really tight, I can concede that beneath that skin might be something that excites Charles's heart, mind and other bits.
Perhaps this amazing mental feat is due to the fact that, like Camilla, I am ugly. My ugliness arrived at puberty and is expected to stay with me until I breathe my last. I'm used to my lopsided eyes and sticky-outy teeth. What I can't handle is the baggage. Not mine. Other people's.
"Ugly" is a term which carries an enormous array of words bundled up behind it. To call someone ugly is to say they're none too bright, lack personality, and are capable of only three emotions: sad, hurt and jealous in a pathetic kind of way.
All this makes them ideal best friends. It's fun to talk about your emotional problems with your ugly best friend. For example, an (ex-)friend: "It's awful. I don't know if she wants to be friends with me for me or because I'm gorgeous. You're so lucky. That's a problem you'll never have."
Ugly people are dull. The most glorious moment in an ugly person's life is still duller than the dreariest moment in a beautiful person's. It is most frustrating, having battled blizzards for days, to bang open the bar-room door, prop a supine yeti against the counter and exclaim, "Well, that was harder than I thought!" - only to realise at that exact moment a bombshell has burst through the opposite door with, "Gosh! That snow is cold!" Invariably the collective response is: "Yes, it is cold. Can I buy you a gluhwein?"
Ugly is not just an adjective, it's an accusation. But what can I do when an (ex-)friend says, "You can come to my wedding, as long as you stay out of the photos?"
Should I have a DNA transplant and hope my new face grows before the big day? I decided to tell her I'd spend my life savings on dangerous cosmetic surgery because she's worth it, but then I remembered: as an ugly person, I'm not clever enough to lie.
Ugliness does have its compensations. It's ripper, for example, at sorting friends into those who can think beyond the face. In fact, should a beautiful person offer to swap faces right now, I'd graciously decline.
So, here's to your very good health, Camilla. Rip off that veil and let your face shine upon us. You've clubbed your yeti and won't let him go. The gluwein's on me.
--
Today's word count: 2,500 in SG-1 fic. Does not count other stories. I could maybe get to 3,000 before the end of the night. Maybe.
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no subject
Date: 2005-03-08 10:42 am (UTC)Poor woman. I never really thought she was *that* ugly myself. Not overly attractive, sure, but ugly?
no subject
Date: 2005-03-08 08:52 pm (UTC)Pretty goes. Interesting tends to stay around a mite longer.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-09 12:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-08 11:17 am (UTC)*gets bitchy*
It kinda makes it a complete, matching set though, doesn't it? :-P
no subject
Date: 2005-03-08 08:54 pm (UTC)Although I don't recall Prince Andrew being quite so plain as Charles. Which would be an interesting genetic chance.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-08 02:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-08 08:55 pm (UTC)And I have to say, that while I might refuse a prince who offered for me, it certainly wouldn't be because I wasn't pretty enough for him!
no subject
Date: 2005-03-08 04:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-08 08:56 pm (UTC)Poor Charles did get the slightly short end of the beauty stick. Ah well, he's rich, and the best-known monarchy in the world. Beauty can go hang itself.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-09 02:15 am (UTC)