Writing In Twilight

So, I'm subscribed to "Etiquette Hell" which is a site that showcases the best and worst of humanity in all their rule-bound and rule-breaking glory.

And in the comments of one of the posts from the last month, I found this group of people saying it was impolite to host your own birthday party. Basically, that it was bigheaded, and saying "I am an awesome person, let's celebrate ME!"

To which I was (as pretty much everyone else who responded to this post): "...wtf, mate?"

However, as someone has pointed out, the issues seem to be around several points of etiquette:

1. That the party is a Big Deal - lots and lots of people, not just 'close friends'.
2. That birthday parties are for children, not adults, and that there's an element of "being the centre of the universe" - possibly not unrelated to the feeling behind the Bridezilla mentality: this day is all about ME!
3. The assumption that gifts are expected as part of your presence at the party.

Added up, throwing your own party can be seen as greedy and self-centered.

Certainly this isn't going to change my attempts to draw people together for something to celebrate my birthday, but it's an interesting insight into...well, social attitudes, expectations, and mentality.

I know most people around here only follow me for fandom, so I'm sorry I have nothing for you. The house and move and all the life changes are just too much for me to manage anything as involved as writing.

It's been a rather wordless year for me - I've written as much in the last three months as I was wont to write in a month in previous years. It's just the way things turned out.

A lot of "friends" have drifted or abandoned me, and while some old ones (vintage, in internet tearms) have reconnected, the developments of life-beyond-fandom in their lives as well as mine - to say nothing of fandom drift - mean we don't hang out the way we used to.

It's a life stage thing, but sometimes it still makes me kind of nostalgic.

I'll sign up for Yuletide, but that's easy enough. I'm debating whether or not to run the Pacific Rim Secret Santa again, because I haven't actually written anything in that fandom for a while.

Life is boxes and logistics and exhaustion and not enough sleep.

B2 moves tomorrow (her furniture). B1 and I move on Saturday. We'll all be sleeping here until Saturday, and then...

I left my childhood behind when I was 18 and moved out of home. By choice, on a positive note, and with the assurance that my family would always be there for me if I needed to come back. As it turned out, I kind of got called back when my mother remarried and asked if I'd move back in to keep an eye on the sistren.

Still, this house has always been 'home' just as much as anywhere else I lived. More because of the people who were here, not just the building, but the memories of the people I love are firmly rooted in this building. And although we'll change our buildings, we'll keep making memories - good and bad, but mostly good.

Fear is a physiological reaction. The tightness in my chest. The thickness in my throat. I'm 'safe' behind a computer screen, but I'm only as 'safe' as other people choose to let me be.

I've never been physically threatened for speaking out. I've never been stalked or hunted. The worst I've had to cop is textual abuse and rants, fannish shunning, and social backbiting.

But the possibility always exists, and given how my body is kicking into 'flight' mode when all I've done is link to something that certain groups will find offensive because it challenges their comfort zones, fear is a pretty effective tool at keeping people quiet.

I hate being afraid. But my throat is clogged anyway.

Only not in my world.

I've never had a problem with Valentines' Day. I'm cynical about it, naturally, but it doesn't bother me being single.

There's probably a number of reasons for this: my parents have never given me crap about being single, the chances of my finding someone to marry are low (if I want to marry someone who shares my faith, then there are many fewer Christian men than there are Christian women), my friends have generally been fairly inclusive of me after they got married, and my sisters are single, too.

Sometimes it bothers me a bit, more on the "I would have liked to give my mum grandkids" front, although, yes, BAD REASON TO PARTNER UP, YO. But I'm rarely lonely and never 'alone', although I do tend to be a solitary soul.

At any rate. For all my friends who 'made it' through V-Day (THE TACKY, THE TACKY, IT BURNS US, PRECIOUSS!) single, well-done and major *hugs*. For those who made it through with a partner - awesomesauce. Love each other well and hard 364 days of the year, and let the rest of the world celebrate your love, too, on V-Day.

...you know sometimes I think that if I hadn't discovered the internet, I might be partnered and married with kids by now.

On the other hand, I suspect my life would have been a lot less varied. :)

*hugs y'all*

I love you guys. Happy V-Day.

Dear Matthew Johns,

DIAF. KTHXBAI.

The links may be triggery for some people - they relate to gang-banging in football culture, and sexual situations with questionable consent.

It's been pretty big news here in Australia, and by 'pretty big', I mean, ( cut for possible triggery ) kind of big.

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On a more unusual theme: Atheists For Christianity - his experiences in Africa, rebuilding, supporting, developing.

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Also, advertising to highlight discrimination?

I'm intrigued by the premise: to promote awareness of discrimination against fat people through comparison with other groups that also experience discrimination.However, I'm not entirely sure about the effectiveness of the result to the broader public since the initial displays of discrimination will throw people off-side before the message gets anywhere near finished.

I get what they're doing and how they're doing it; I'm just wondering if others do, too.

--

And finally, American breaches elected Myanmar leader's privacy: gets her in trouble with the Burmese Junta. I'm sorry, but Viet vet or not, how could sneaking into the house of a woman who's lived under house arrest for thirteen of the last nineteen years possibly be a good, useful, or helpful idea?

They liken this time to the Great Depression.

Strangely, what only a couple of commentators seem to have pointed out is the way society's structure changed during and after the Great Depression. Countries fell into nationalism, ultra-nationalism, xenophobia, facism. They retreated, became protective of their own interests, refused to listen to the cries of others in need.

And Germany looked for a scapegoat and found it in the Jews.

We like to think of ourselves as beyond that kind of thing. We're smarter than that. Educated. Progressive. Enlightened.

I'm not so sure. Society changes: people remain the same.

Nationalism, ultra-nationalism, xenophobia, the gradual removal of citizen's rights for 'the good of the country', the distrust of people who "aren't like us" whether visually (colour) or societally (religion).

Aren't we seeing these things again, now? In our own countries? Among our friends? Among ourselves?

One wonders, now, in the modern climate of social politics, who will we see in the "concentration camps" of the 21st Century. And whether we and those we like to think of as smart, educated, progressive, enlightened people will be the ones flipping the metaphorical switch on "those who are to blame for our troubles".

Society changes; humanity remains the same.

And the Nazis thought of themselves as smart, educated, progressive, enlightened people, too.

It's September already! I start my RTW trip in just over three weeks. I think that calls for an EEEEK!

I put a USB drive through the wash - it was in my jeans. Seems to have survived without trouble, though!

Yesterday, I discovered that I can write 2000 words in a day, cook, do the washing and washing up, surf a little internet, (mostly) resist Facebook, and fall asleep in the bath without drowning.

The falling asleep was unexpected.

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( books: CJ Cherryh and Philip Pullman )

On Gun Control by Dominic Knight, columnist of the Sydney Morning Herald.

He seems to walk a bit more of a middle road - and one that won't find much support from either side, I suspect. It's brief, but helpful in walking me through some of the thoughts and backgrounds involved in the whole discussion of gun control and how different people and different cultures see it.

Allegedly written by Andy Rooney from 60 Minutes in the US.

( a woman over thirty... )

*hugs* to the women-over-thirty on my f-list.

By 'dissenting opinion' I mean offering at least one alternative view.

By 'arguing a point' I mean a back-and-forth exchange between two people holding different views.

[Poll #855567]