my life, i gots it
Dec. 7th, 2009 11:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seldearSo, I skipped another play tonight. To tell you the truth, a large proportion of my arts and theatre events were busts this year: there's no inspiration to go when it's just yourself!
To prevent this, I have roped the parentals into buying tix for the STC's 2010 season, and I got a 2nd ticket for all the concerts I'm going to. I'll lure the sistren into at least one each, and I'll hunt up peeps to attend the others, I'm sure.
Mostly, I need someone to go with to make sure I go!
It doesn't feel like it should be December; it feels like...well, I don't know what it feels like. Except that I got a lot less done than I hoped to do this year. Part of it is the tendonitis, and part of it is...well, the feeling that I'm not good enough to go anywhere that I want to go. I believed I could about four years ago, maybe because I was innocent and still under 30. Now, well, my life is measured out in food portions at work - cups of coffee, handfuls of chips, a quarter of a Cherry Ripe or a Picnic bar, then lunch! Glasses of water drunk as the minutes tick on, and the long slow hour before 5pm.
I kinda envy those people who go out and live life on the edge - assuming they're not lying outta their asses. Sometimes I think it would be exciting to trek the Kokoda trail, or build villages in Suva, or be a missionary in Addis Ababa. It would be destabilising to have a guy I liked like me in return, to actually carry on a romantic relationship with someone and deal with their ups and downs as well as my own. I spoke to someone yesterday who was down to her last $10 until she's paid next week. I fret when I've got less than $2000 in the bank!
Is this what a midlife crisis feels like? Like you've had so much time to do stuff and never did any of the important stuff? Never became the person you thought you'd be when you were twenty-four? Well, at twenty-four, I wasn't the person I'd thought I'd be either. And twenty four is coming up on ten years ago.
To prevent this, I have roped the parentals into buying tix for the STC's 2010 season, and I got a 2nd ticket for all the concerts I'm going to. I'll lure the sistren into at least one each, and I'll hunt up peeps to attend the others, I'm sure.
Mostly, I need someone to go with to make sure I go!
It doesn't feel like it should be December; it feels like...well, I don't know what it feels like. Except that I got a lot less done than I hoped to do this year. Part of it is the tendonitis, and part of it is...well, the feeling that I'm not good enough to go anywhere that I want to go. I believed I could about four years ago, maybe because I was innocent and still under 30. Now, well, my life is measured out in food portions at work - cups of coffee, handfuls of chips, a quarter of a Cherry Ripe or a Picnic bar, then lunch! Glasses of water drunk as the minutes tick on, and the long slow hour before 5pm.
I kinda envy those people who go out and live life on the edge - assuming they're not lying outta their asses. Sometimes I think it would be exciting to trek the Kokoda trail, or build villages in Suva, or be a missionary in Addis Ababa. It would be destabilising to have a guy I liked like me in return, to actually carry on a romantic relationship with someone and deal with their ups and downs as well as my own. I spoke to someone yesterday who was down to her last $10 until she's paid next week. I fret when I've got less than $2000 in the bank!
Is this what a midlife crisis feels like? Like you've had so much time to do stuff and never did any of the important stuff? Never became the person you thought you'd be when you were twenty-four? Well, at twenty-four, I wasn't the person I'd thought I'd be either. And twenty four is coming up on ten years ago.
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no subject
Date: 2009-12-07 02:24 pm (UTC)As someone on the other side, it can be pretty hard work doing all the crazy stuff as well... balance is important and I'm confident it's possible to find happiness (or at least contentment) with any lifestyle if that's what suits you - grass-greener etc. etc.
By the sounds of things, you're not quite happy with where you are at the moment, remember though that you can be the master of your own destiny at least to a certain extent. But you need to work out if you want to be more adventurous or you want to be more comfortable being less adventurous, it's up to you!
I always think that you're likely to regret not doing something rather than doing something...
no subject
Date: 2009-12-07 07:39 pm (UTC)And possibly also whom I want to achieve it with.
*hugs* Thanks for the kind thoughts.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 11:34 am (UTC)I keep trying to see that I must have done some good this year and I sure I have, just sometimes it doesn't feel like it.
A better year to us next year!