party weekend
Dec. 12th, 2009 02:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seldearFriday night: work Christmas party
Saturday night: b'day party for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
arabel
Sunday night: sci-fi group party
Overall, I had a good time. Food was average, company was good, dance floor was very good. I like dancing - retro, songs I can sing to - music is a big weakness for me. So I love going out dancing.
I don't do it very often. Mostly, because I'm not willing to go out among strangers and really let myself go. That's not who I am. When I dance - the real, no-holds-barred, body jiving, it's among people I know and usually like. This usually means private parties with a DJ and a dance floor, few of which I'm invited to anymore. (21sts and weddings were the main reasons and, well, my friends are mostly over 21 and married now.)
So I do enjoy the opportunity to dance with people I know, and I don't get it very often. It probably showed tonight, since I kept chivvying people onto the dance floor: reluctant colleagues, people who just needed a little encouragement...upper level management... I pretty much herded our project financial officer out on the floor and showed him how to dance when he protested he couldn't. (Sel's dance lessons for the unco: bounce up and down on the spot in time to the music, bending your knees, and similarly bounce your hands in the air - again, in time to the music. Works a dream every time!)
Anyway, someone noted that I knew the words to all the songs we were dancing to and that I looked like I was enjoying myself. And I was!
Slight tangent here. Physical contact tends to be a trust thing for me. I'm okay with most contact, although a stranger laying hands on me is likely to get a cold look and a step away. People I know are generally okay, although I'm best with someone I trust not to cross my boundaries.
My boundaries lie in the 'no sexual touching' range, and in the no tickling range.
Prolonged tickling about the ribs sets off a panic reaction in me which some people - mostly guys - think is funny. I fought one of my colleagues off twice this evening. The first time he didn't stop until I was curled up in a protective ball in the corner, and the second time was on the dance floor.
Complications are probably going to ensue of this: the guy in question is nice, single, in a compatible age range, and someone I probably wouldn't mind having as a friend. Just a friend. The problem with guys and friendship is that most of them don't actually want to be friends with you. And from there it becomes a matter of conflicting interests.
It doesn't help that the colleague I spoke to about this after she saw my face during a 'tickle session' seems to think that it's a misunderstanding and a miscommunication, and that this is something to be pursued. It's hard to explain to her that this is a question of trust and boundaries - and although trust can be regained, the ingrained belief that my boundaries don't matter is a much bigger, much more fragile issue.
Ultimately, I also struggle to explain to people that my first criteria for a partner is someone who shares my worldview and respects my boundaries. It can be particularly difficult when I'm 34, and people seem to take the attitude that "you can't be single all your life".
The party was otherwise really enjoyable, and although I was invited to go out after; I declined. Partly because I don't go out without someone I trust to get me home unmolested - someone who has a personal stake in my well-being. It's a trust issue. I don't tempt fate, I don't risk my well-being. And while I know the faces of some of the people going out, I'm not sure I know anything more about them, let alone trust them if I have to be dragged home at 5am...
Also, the parentals are coming over to do work on the yard. 8am on a Saturday morning.
That's 6 hours from now!
I'd better get some actual sleep.
Saturday night: b'day party for
arabelSunday night: sci-fi group party
Overall, I had a good time. Food was average, company was good, dance floor was very good. I like dancing - retro, songs I can sing to - music is a big weakness for me. So I love going out dancing.
I don't do it very often. Mostly, because I'm not willing to go out among strangers and really let myself go. That's not who I am. When I dance - the real, no-holds-barred, body jiving, it's among people I know and usually like. This usually means private parties with a DJ and a dance floor, few of which I'm invited to anymore. (21sts and weddings were the main reasons and, well, my friends are mostly over 21 and married now.)
So I do enjoy the opportunity to dance with people I know, and I don't get it very often. It probably showed tonight, since I kept chivvying people onto the dance floor: reluctant colleagues, people who just needed a little encouragement...upper level management... I pretty much herded our project financial officer out on the floor and showed him how to dance when he protested he couldn't. (Sel's dance lessons for the unco: bounce up and down on the spot in time to the music, bending your knees, and similarly bounce your hands in the air - again, in time to the music. Works a dream every time!)
Anyway, someone noted that I knew the words to all the songs we were dancing to and that I looked like I was enjoying myself. And I was!
Slight tangent here. Physical contact tends to be a trust thing for me. I'm okay with most contact, although a stranger laying hands on me is likely to get a cold look and a step away. People I know are generally okay, although I'm best with someone I trust not to cross my boundaries.
My boundaries lie in the 'no sexual touching' range, and in the no tickling range.
Prolonged tickling about the ribs sets off a panic reaction in me which some people - mostly guys - think is funny. I fought one of my colleagues off twice this evening. The first time he didn't stop until I was curled up in a protective ball in the corner, and the second time was on the dance floor.
Complications are probably going to ensue of this: the guy in question is nice, single, in a compatible age range, and someone I probably wouldn't mind having as a friend. Just a friend. The problem with guys and friendship is that most of them don't actually want to be friends with you. And from there it becomes a matter of conflicting interests.
It doesn't help that the colleague I spoke to about this after she saw my face during a 'tickle session' seems to think that it's a misunderstanding and a miscommunication, and that this is something to be pursued. It's hard to explain to her that this is a question of trust and boundaries - and although trust can be regained, the ingrained belief that my boundaries don't matter is a much bigger, much more fragile issue.
Ultimately, I also struggle to explain to people that my first criteria for a partner is someone who shares my worldview and respects my boundaries. It can be particularly difficult when I'm 34, and people seem to take the attitude that "you can't be single all your life".
The party was otherwise really enjoyable, and although I was invited to go out after; I declined. Partly because I don't go out without someone I trust to get me home unmolested - someone who has a personal stake in my well-being. It's a trust issue. I don't tempt fate, I don't risk my well-being. And while I know the faces of some of the people going out, I'm not sure I know anything more about them, let alone trust them if I have to be dragged home at 5am...
Also, the parentals are coming over to do work on the yard. 8am on a Saturday morning.
That's 6 hours from now!
I'd better get some actual sleep.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-12-11 10:06 pm (UTC)Finding someone who meets the criteria for a potential life partner is not something to be sneared at, and if it takes being single for longer than the "average" person I don't think that's a bad thing. Ultimately I would consider being single a better situation than being unhappilly attached! I wonder what the average number of broken relationships most people go through to find someone they can actually make it with is? And how much damage te average person does to their psyche throughout that process? I was extrememly picky, and have had only one of what I would consider to be broken relationship, which, despite being mostly mended, still has an impact on my relationship with Vernon. Messy sentance there, but you get the drift?
Having trustworthy male friends is such an important thing when you're single hey? God blessed me with just enough until I got married. The kind of guys who, as you say, I could trust to deliver me to my door in the early hours, unmolestered.
I had a friend I wanted to introduce you to when you were down who has, I think, a similar world view and boundaries to your own. One of the men I refer to above :) Similar age and interests... there wasn't really the time though and I would hate to make you feel "set up". But maybe the next time you're down, if you're interested, I could invite him along to something so you could make up your own mind about whether or not I'm imagining things!
xx
no subject
Date: 2009-12-12 12:21 am (UTC)I think I'm lucky to have a mother who isn't pushy about my singleness: I've just gotten used to it being accepted in our circles - being partnered is not a requirement.
I'm (almost) always up for making new friends and meeting new people. And I trust that you and V wouldn't be pointed about it. *smooches*
I also have your quilt top done, but not yet quilted. I'm finishing another wedding quilt over Christmas-New Year, so I'll probably get them both quilted at the same time.
You might be lucky: get it before your 1st anniversary! :D