weekend

I've been feeling really exhausted lately. I get a good 7 hours sleep (from 11pm to 6am) but I wake up in the morning and feel flat and bleh.

I wonder if it has anything to do with the glare of the sky which is very visible outside the window I'm facing. I face south, so the sun doesn't shine directly from that quadrant, but the glare as it reflects off the southern sky can get pretty intense sometimes.

Weekend was good. Quiet. I went out to the gym on Saturday, church on Saturday night, and spent much of the weekend cooking and writing. Bolognaise sauce, roast chicken, and zinefic. I did manage my 2,500 words on Sunday, although I think my total for the weekend was closer to 3,000.

Any rate, I got to the end of the Teal'c section. Boy, for a guy as close-lipped as T, he sure hogged the brainspace!

At least I can move on to the next section now. I don't know how cohesive this story is, but I'm trying to make it all work.

I finished my 4colorheroines entry (started it Friday night, finished it Saturday morning - 2,000 words, moderately pleased with it). It was due Sunday.

Okay, work this morning. WORK, DAMN YOU!

and we have jobs!

B1 received an offer for a permanent role! YAY!

Said role is in Goulburn, 3 hours out of Sydney. Hmm...

It's a bit of a bummer, but I think it will be useful in developing more independence in her. It won't be easy for the twins, they've almost always been together, never lived in cities for long periods of time, but this is a good solid job, and Goulburn is a lovely town. A bit on the chilly side, maybe, but then, so is Canberra. Anyway, it's a permanent role, and if she does that for a year, she'll have some experience beneath her belt and be able to apply for more jobs. As long as she can cope with the lonely. The lonely will be a problem.

So we have the stepbro1 in Albury, B1 in Goulburn, myself in Wollongong...temporarily... Okay, so stepbrother2 won't be going anywhere, he's doing uni in Sydney, and there's no way they're going to get B2 out of Sydney and away from her church ministry without a crowbar or the clouds parting overhead and a voice from the heavens ordering her otherwise.

And I think have enough money to make it overseas now - that includes mortgage payments for the time I'm gone. Which is good. But I have to sort out where I'm going, when I'm going to be there, and who is going to put me up once I get there.

is it possible to have an identity crisis at 28?

The guy at the computer next to mine stares at a screen no more than a foot away from his eyeballs. He hits the keys of his keyboard as though he holds a grudge against it, and his whole concentration is on the contents of the screen.

Sometimes I wonder how other people - 'normal' people - survive. Do they have creativity in them or is there nothing in them there? Do they ever question their lives and the work they do or am I the only one who does that? Am I the only one who fees the urge to do something else when I should be working, or am I the only one who gives in to the urge when it arises?

These are the questions that haunt me in my line of work - and always have. I can't give myself over to the programming - not wholly. My brain just doesn't work that way: it's skitters and flits, it doesn't plough. And yet the people around me seem to plough through the work as stolidly as oxen, never looking beyond the furrow - or if they do, its only to get back to their stall in the stable with the comfort of their hay and feedbox.

I don't know how they do it. I certainly can't.

I don't want to drag the plough behind me.

I don't want to walk in a straight line.

I don't want to miss the day because I'm too busy working in someone else's fields.

Basically, I need out of this industry sometime in the next few years. I need to find something that will make me money and which I enjoy. Because if I don't, at forty, I'll be just one more drone in the offices of the universe. And, frankly, that terrifies me.

I think I need chocolate