(no subject)
Jan. 26th, 2005 01:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seldearI think I may be stressed. My eyes hurt, I've put a crick in my neck somehow, and although I'm exhausted, I can't sleep. And my heartbeat was stuttering earlier for no reason I could determine. It's been doing that all day - this need to stop and take deep breaths and find somewhere to sit down because I get dizzy. And then I get dizzy sitting down, too.
I have two SG-1 story ideas, one crossover, a half-dozen JL ideas, at least 3 WIPs on the go, and one longfic series that I plotted and still haven't started writing. Then there are all the little recurring ideas that pop up from time to time and keep trying to get me to write them. And I want to write them. There's just not enough time to give them to make them worth what I see they could be. Does Terry Pratchett have this problem too?
My original fiction is up to 45K of words and I'm only on the 5th or 6th point out of twenty. I'm worried that the writing is too heavy for what I want to portray, and that I'm putting in unnecessary information. Scratch that, I know I'm putting in unnecessary information. But I still haven't fully worked out what need to stay and what needs to go. And the idea of 'massive rewrites' is new to me. Still, I'm getting at least 1K of words on it a day. I'll just have a 'Wheel of Time' series in a single book or something. HOpefully not as ponderous though.
I have the feeling that people see me either as stentorian and straitlaced, or domineering and intimidating. They may well be right, I know I have facets of those characteristics in my personality. It's a little depressing to suppose that most nearly everyone thinks of you that way, though. I'm not exactly the approachable sort. Batman, rather than Flash. Teal'c, rather than Jack. Faith, rather than Buffy. I knew there was a reason I liked those characters. Okay, so I like Jack, too, but Teal'c's got presence. He's just not the kind of person people generally feel comfy talking to. I wonder if he feels that keenly, too.
The job is good - I'm learning new things, but we're archiving a system before it's turned off permanently, so there's a deadline and that's one more thing on my plate. We've got a whole slew of temps starting next week, and I have to get a bunch of programs up and running before then, or else they'll just sit around wasting time. The kitchenette down our end of the building isn't working, and I don't know when it will be. Small, nagging things.
I've put on quite a bit of weight since I came back from overseas. I know this because I don't fit into any of my clothes. Even things I bought 6 months ago are getting tight to wear now. Oh, it doesn't look it, but it feels it, and I know I'm getting podgy. And yes, I'm sensitive after the family friend said I've gotten bigger. Admittedly, it's been at least 12 years since she's seen me, and her family leans to wiry slenderity, while mine leans to stockiness, but some barbs just stick, y'know? I'm joining a gym come Saturday (because that's when a class I want to attend starts). Just on a month-by-month basis. At least there's something I can do in that department.
On average, 6 hours of sleep a night is good. It's just not enough to make me human. And it's 1am on a night when I was tired when I got home from work, but I lie in my bed and I can't sleep. I can't sleep in, either. Even if I go to bed now, my body clock will wake me up around 6 - 6:30am. Which is good from a time point of view: I'll have time to write before I head out for the day, but bad from a rest point of view: my body really does need time to R&R.
Today is a public holiday in Australia, and I'm going to be spending about 10 hours out on the harbour. Which will probably be lots of fun, just exhausting. And probably not helpful to my state of mind. Still, as mum pointed out, "You might meet people!" As compared to what, oh mother, dear? Another sore point: my lack of real-world social life. I have two people I usually call upon for real-world socialisation - and they can't always drop everything to do stuff with me just because I want to do stuff. Basically, I need to develop some kind of contact outside of LJ and the internet and fandom. As a general rule, I'm not a sociable person. Oh, I can make talk and chat and gossip and everything, but most of my energy goes towards things most people don't, can't, or won't comprehend - and how do you explain that to someone for whom the highlight of the week is 'Trading Spaces' or 'Australian Idol'?
I could do with a life. Or a clone. A clone would mean I could delegate. Or that there'd be two of me and we'd be twice as busy with twice as many ideas and stuff. Which is really quite a horrible thought.
It's a kicker it is.
Maybe I should get a massage somewhere. There's a beauty parlour up the road by the highway. It'll be an experience. Besides, my back is full of knots and my head is caving in.
Tell you the truth, I think I'm stressed.
I have two SG-1 story ideas, one crossover, a half-dozen JL ideas, at least 3 WIPs on the go, and one longfic series that I plotted and still haven't started writing. Then there are all the little recurring ideas that pop up from time to time and keep trying to get me to write them. And I want to write them. There's just not enough time to give them to make them worth what I see they could be. Does Terry Pratchett have this problem too?
My original fiction is up to 45K of words and I'm only on the 5th or 6th point out of twenty. I'm worried that the writing is too heavy for what I want to portray, and that I'm putting in unnecessary information. Scratch that, I know I'm putting in unnecessary information. But I still haven't fully worked out what need to stay and what needs to go. And the idea of 'massive rewrites' is new to me. Still, I'm getting at least 1K of words on it a day. I'll just have a 'Wheel of Time' series in a single book or something. HOpefully not as ponderous though.
I have the feeling that people see me either as stentorian and straitlaced, or domineering and intimidating. They may well be right, I know I have facets of those characteristics in my personality. It's a little depressing to suppose that most nearly everyone thinks of you that way, though. I'm not exactly the approachable sort. Batman, rather than Flash. Teal'c, rather than Jack. Faith, rather than Buffy. I knew there was a reason I liked those characters. Okay, so I like Jack, too, but Teal'c's got presence. He's just not the kind of person people generally feel comfy talking to. I wonder if he feels that keenly, too.
The job is good - I'm learning new things, but we're archiving a system before it's turned off permanently, so there's a deadline and that's one more thing on my plate. We've got a whole slew of temps starting next week, and I have to get a bunch of programs up and running before then, or else they'll just sit around wasting time. The kitchenette down our end of the building isn't working, and I don't know when it will be. Small, nagging things.
I've put on quite a bit of weight since I came back from overseas. I know this because I don't fit into any of my clothes. Even things I bought 6 months ago are getting tight to wear now. Oh, it doesn't look it, but it feels it, and I know I'm getting podgy. And yes, I'm sensitive after the family friend said I've gotten bigger. Admittedly, it's been at least 12 years since she's seen me, and her family leans to wiry slenderity, while mine leans to stockiness, but some barbs just stick, y'know? I'm joining a gym come Saturday (because that's when a class I want to attend starts). Just on a month-by-month basis. At least there's something I can do in that department.
On average, 6 hours of sleep a night is good. It's just not enough to make me human. And it's 1am on a night when I was tired when I got home from work, but I lie in my bed and I can't sleep. I can't sleep in, either. Even if I go to bed now, my body clock will wake me up around 6 - 6:30am. Which is good from a time point of view: I'll have time to write before I head out for the day, but bad from a rest point of view: my body really does need time to R&R.
Today is a public holiday in Australia, and I'm going to be spending about 10 hours out on the harbour. Which will probably be lots of fun, just exhausting. And probably not helpful to my state of mind. Still, as mum pointed out, "You might meet people!" As compared to what, oh mother, dear? Another sore point: my lack of real-world social life. I have two people I usually call upon for real-world socialisation - and they can't always drop everything to do stuff with me just because I want to do stuff. Basically, I need to develop some kind of contact outside of LJ and the internet and fandom. As a general rule, I'm not a sociable person. Oh, I can make talk and chat and gossip and everything, but most of my energy goes towards things most people don't, can't, or won't comprehend - and how do you explain that to someone for whom the highlight of the week is 'Trading Spaces' or 'Australian Idol'?
I could do with a life. Or a clone. A clone would mean I could delegate. Or that there'd be two of me and we'd be twice as busy with twice as many ideas and stuff. Which is really quite a horrible thought.
It's a kicker it is.
Maybe I should get a massage somewhere. There's a beauty parlour up the road by the highway. It'll be an experience. Besides, my back is full of knots and my head is caving in.
Tell you the truth, I think I'm stressed.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 02:23 pm (UTC)I'm trying to lose weight too and have been exercising.
Massages are a gift from the gods. You should give it a try.
I think you are stressed, too. Don't know what gives me that idea.
Love you. *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 09:01 pm (UTC)I've always been wary of massages due to having a really sensitive back and neck. It's just one of those things.
We should make a weight-watchers/health-getters group or something. Or find one where we can share experiences and encourage each other! *G*
no subject
Date: 2005-01-26 03:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 02:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 09:03 pm (UTC)The aromatherapy massage would be lovely. I might look into it for the weekend or something.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 02:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 09:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 02:48 pm (UTC)And good luck with the losing weight thing. I think there are a lot of us doing that. :) But go with the massage. That's totally one of the luxury treats of life, and they're so relaxing.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 09:05 pm (UTC)And I'm pretty sure I hang out with opinionated people. *inspects f-list* Even if they're not all opinionated the same way!
no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 01:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 07:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 03:19 pm (UTC)And speaking of trimming, that little extra effort of exercising regularly is really helping me. Good for you for starting!
and how do you explain that to someone for whom the highlight of the week is 'Trading Spaces' or 'Australian Idol'?
I absolutely know that feeling. *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2005-01-26 12:25 pm (UTC)I'm glad of it, truly told.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 03:48 pm (UTC)My only tip for meeting rl people is to join something you enjoy - a book club, cinema club - there must be something out there that would get you out of the house? ;)
I know what you mean about the clothes not fitting. I went back to Weight Watchers two weeks ago. I only (!) have to lose a stone and a half (11kgs? I have no idea) and people keep telling me I don't need to but my clothes are also telling a different story. And it's cheaper to loes weight and get back into old clothes then just buy some larger ones!
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 03:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-26 12:26 pm (UTC)Ooh, good luck with your health program! ('Health program' sounds weird, but it's not really a diet...)
no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 03:56 pm (UTC)I know what you mean about socialising. As I think I told you once before, my main socialising is with dh's colleagues. And there are some nights I just don't feel like going, so I don't. I have an evening to myself.
Try also not to do anything in your bedroom other than sleep. That can also mess you up. Right now, I'm slowly trying to get my body used to not waking up at 4am since I no longer work. This morning I slept until 6:45am, but I've been home for well over a week. It can be difficult for the body to adjust.
Above all though, *hugs* and no, I don't think you're domineering - neither on or offline. And I know exactly what you mean when you're talking about folks that only watch stuff like American Idol. I have also felt the disconnection from those people. Heck, my mother in law is like that *g* But I enjoy learning about history and current affairs, etc. and if I like it, why should I stop it?
Do what you want to do, as long as it's the right thing to do, and not against the law ;)
no subject
Date: 2005-01-26 12:28 pm (UTC)The difficulty is that the main computer is currently in my bedroom. Which can be inconvenient sometimes, but is also good in other ways. If i have to get up and write in the middle of the night, I don't have to leave my room.
Cripes, I'm still feeling dizzy. I think it's a leftover from sailing out on the harbour today...
no subject
Date: 2005-01-26 03:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 05:41 pm (UTC)Might be something you have to train yourself out of.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 06:02 pm (UTC)Ruralstar
no subject
Date: 2005-01-26 12:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 11:17 pm (UTC)You are opinionate, thoughtful, sensible, caring and loving.
You are you, and that's all we want.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-26 12:29 pm (UTC)Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 11:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-26 12:30 pm (UTC)And what's your icon from? It looks Phantom-esque - I haven't seen the movie, though, so I don't know.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 03:11 am (UTC)