mostly life

[seldear]

Moving On From The Elections by kyronae, for both sides.

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The job is going okay, other than my tendency to want to occasionally check LJ or my email and being completely unable to. I suppose it's a natural progression: I've been drifting from most folks for the last year or so - the cancellation of Atlantis and the ignoring of Teyla by TPTB and fandom were pretty much the nails in my coffin as far as any online friendships go.

One of the things that I liked most about LJ in the beginning was the ability to hold conversations with people - community and conversation, not just random comments like Facebook, or fangirling like Blogger. I enjoyed being able to follow threads like a bulletin board with people who had their own usernames. And in the first few years, it was enjoyable. These days, most conversation seems limited and desultory: even if I answer back to someone's comment, people aren't generally interested in answering back. I guess I'm not a very interesting person when it comes down to it. But I kinda miss the days of big long threads of conversation.

I have a tendency to believe that I wasted the last seven years of my life in fandom. Fanfiction was never my goal, it's just where I accidentally ended up. I don't know if I have what it takes to write a novel and be published - especially not with every other fanficcer, LJer, etc. out there trying to be published, too. I suspect that most people are "smile and wave, boys, just smile and wave..." regarding my ambitions. You know? "Don't disturb the crazy lady, and don't meet her eye! Move on! Quickly!"

It doesn't help that my entry for a supernatural romance competition didn't even place in the top 20 (out of 33). The base fandom from which this competition was held was Twilight. Which is even less encouraging: I couldn't outwrite Twimoms?

Now I'm questioning if my current profic story has any value: there's been no explosions, no drama, someone's been kidnapped but we meet her after she's escaped, and after 40K words (somewhat padded, I suspect), the five main characters have only just come together. There's probably another 40K words about their upcoming adventures. But I don't want to start again, and part of me is hoping that this is just "writing as usual" where everything is hopeless and black.

NaNo is going slowly. I'm only at 6K of words, where I should be at 10. There'll hopefully be time today to catch up: there's a write-in in the city for about five hours. Using the extremely useful Write Or Die application generally gets me through my wordcount, and I like some of the segments I've been writing. I just don't know that it's coming together fast enough, though.

I guess that's what NaNoEdMo is about in January.

Other than that, today, I have a garden to plant out - the damned bush rats got my cucumber, pumpkin, and zucchini seeds the first time, but I think I've managed to sprout them without having them eaten.

I don't know how the poppy seedlings are faring...or where I'm going to plant them.

Comments

[seldearslj.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

Have I ever said thanks for all your encouragement? So very much appreciated.

Oh, and could you and Chris take a photo of the quilt on your couch, front and back and send it along? Cats optional. ;)

[saramund.livejournal.com]

we will - we're just fixing up the missed bits first, then photo's will be sent!

and no thanks needed!