cat's funeral

[seldear]

Arrived back in Sydney 6 hours ago, got home 4 hours ago, buried the cat 2 hours ago.

The worst part was coming home and not hearing her squeak for me. Not being able to cuddle her, or have her wind around my ankles, or hear her bound up the stairs or along the hallway. All the usual things that happen when I get home.

The next few days are going to be the worst. I could put it all off while I was away, but now I'm home, it all comes back with a vengeance.

I've cried most of the morning, and still have a tendency to tear up at random moments. Like standing in the entryway waiting for the patter of her feet as she came to greet me after a long absence. Or leaving the front door open, because she's not going to try to rush out. Putting down the door curtain to my bedroom - the one that keeps the heat in, while having one corner pinned up so the cat could get through. Writing this.

When they brought her out at the vet, they weren't sure they should show me to her because she was frozen in the position she was when she died and it wasn't 'pretty'. But I insisted and it was worth it to stroke her fur again, even if she was cold and silent instead of warm and purring.

She's been a daily part of my life for fourteen years. And now she's not.

We buried her over at the parentals, because our block is slated for medium-density development and I didn't want her dug up in a few years' time. I planted an old gardenia over her - one I got the year I bought her home. And I know she's out of pain now, but...I miss her like crazy. It's going to be a hard, cold winter.


Cat's Funeral
by E.V. Rieu

Bury her deep, down deep,
Safe in the earth's cold keep,
Bury her deep-

No more to watch bird stir;
No more to clean dark fur;
No more to glisten as silk;
No more to revel in milk;
No more to purr.

Bury her deep, down deep;
She is beyond warm sleep.
She will not walk in the night;
She will not wake to the light.
Bury her deep.

--

I'll try to get around to a final European trip update in a few days.

Comments

[seldearslj.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *hugs*

I'm going to try to get out socially at least once a week, I think, so yes, I'd love to catch up some time. Maybe a lunchtime sometime, since I'm not working? I could get in to North Sydney if you've got a day when you could find time for lunch? Or a drink after work?

[seldearslj.livejournal.com]

yahoo.com is best. :)

[imaginary-iby.livejournal.com]

I am so deeply sorry. Nothing I can say can really help, but please know you're in my thoughts. I know what it's like to have a pet that's truly a companion in life, so I offer lots of hugs.

[seldearslj.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *hugs back*

[b36.livejournal.com]

That was another lovely tribute, Sel.

Take your time to grieve.

...I miss her like crazy.

Gluggy, Tumble, Fluffy, Fred, Max, T-Bone, Oliver Marten and Minka - I still think about them almost every day.

[seldearslj.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Daz.

[skydiver119.livejournal.com]

Hardest thing i ever did was burying Sparky - the chihauhaha - in the back yard. It was a drizzly cold day Thanksgiving weekend...and yes, buried her as deep as I could manage. That flower bed, however, will never be planted or anything beyond what it is because the thought of digging in that soil again is one I just can't handle.

huge hugs

[seldearslj.livejournal.com]

My mum suggested planting something over her when I decided against anything like a tombstone or plaque. The gardenia seemed appropriate since it was a gift around the same time I got her.

And I'm quite sure it will be well-cared for by my parents and not disturbed so long as they own the house.

*hugs back*

[jadestrick.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry hon. There are just no words for this but I'm thinking about you.

[seldearslj.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the condolences. I know I've been really bad about responding to people, but they're very much appreciated.

[scifithinker.livejournal.com]

My condolences on your loss. I know you miss her terribly.

[seldearslj.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

As I was saying to a friend, it's all the little things that I miss most. Like going to bed last night and not having her curl up on the other side of the bed, or waking up this morning at 5:30 and missing her squeaks demanding why I wasn't up and feeding her. Pushing my computer chair back and not involuntarily glancing back to check that I hadn't run her over, or going downstairs to fix breakfast and not having her demand food or sit at the end of the kitchen watching me...

[meg-pat2000.livejournal.com]

just a *big hugs*

Its lovely that you got to see her again and say a final goodbye, and the gardenia is such a beautiful touch.

[seldearslj.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *hugs*

I needed to see her again, pat her again one last time at least. I wish I'd taken more time before I left but that last day was just so crazy busy...

Regrets, regrets.

[meg-pat2000.livejournal.com]

You cant live with regrets like that, I know too many people that have had their lives consumed by regrets like that.

You just have to acknowledge the fact that you had 14 wonderful years- everyday she knew that you would be there.

*hugs*

[sleekuk.livejournal.com]

I ha to put one of our beloved cats to sleep the day we went on holiday, the Friday before last. It was awful, awful, awful and a complete shock as she was only 4 but had got caught somewhere and dislocated her tail, leading to losing nerve sensation which controlled her bladder.

I'm still very raw, especially when we have had to explain it to a 2.5 yr old as she's gone on an adventure (his words) with Jesus (our words) bit he said she still might be back soon.

That poem was beautiful - thank you for helping me too xx

[seldearslj.livejournal.com]

Oh man. You're the fourth person (including myself) to have lost a cat in the last month.

*hugs you*

[cherish4.livejournal.com]

Hi. I hope you don't mind me leaving a comment here but I saw your name linked with mine, on jadestrick latest journal entry. I too have just lost my eldest cat,Felix,this week. He was also 14 and it has been very upsetting, trying to come to terms with his absence.

I just really wanted to leave you some *supportive hugs* and tell you that you are not alone.

[seldearslj.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *supportive hugs*

It seems it's been a bad month for cats - you're the fifth person I've heard has lost a cat this month.

And yes, it's the absence that's the worst - the 'turn and they're not there' that stings.

[cherish4.livejournal.com]

It seems it's been a bad month for cats - you're the fifth person I've heard has lost a cat this month.

Really? Wow, that is so sad. :-(

And yes, it's the absence that's the worst - the 'turn and they're not there' that stings.

It's been hardest whenever I pop upstairs, as I'm always half-expecting to find him asleep on one of the beds. One of the few things that has helped, is that we also have another cat (Willow). She's been a wonderful source of distraction and delight, and has helped to slightly ease the grief. She seems to be handling his absence a lot better than us humans.

[arrietty.livejournal.com]

*hugstight*

[audrich.livejournal.com]

{{{massive hugs}}}