cat's funeral

Arrived back in Sydney 6 hours ago, got home 4 hours ago, buried the cat 2 hours ago.

The worst part was coming home and not hearing her squeak for me. Not being able to cuddle her, or have her wind around my ankles, or hear her bound up the stairs or along the hallway. All the usual things that happen when I get home.

The next few days are going to be the worst. I could put it all off while I was away, but now I'm home, it all comes back with a vengeance.

I've cried most of the morning, and still have a tendency to tear up at random moments. Like standing in the entryway waiting for the patter of her feet as she came to greet me after a long absence. Or leaving the front door open, because she's not going to try to rush out. Putting down the door curtain to my bedroom - the one that keeps the heat in, while having one corner pinned up so the cat could get through. Writing this.

When they brought her out at the vet, they weren't sure they should show me to her because she was frozen in the position she was when she died and it wasn't 'pretty'. But I insisted and it was worth it to stroke her fur again, even if she was cold and silent instead of warm and purring.

She's been a daily part of my life for fourteen years. And now she's not.

We buried her over at the parentals, because our block is slated for medium-density development and I didn't want her dug up in a few years' time. I planted an old gardenia over her - one I got the year I bought her home. And I know she's out of pain now, but...I miss her like crazy. It's going to be a hard, cold winter.

Cat's Funeral
by E.V. Rieu

Bury her deep, down deep,
Safe in the earth's cold keep,
Bury her deep-

No more to watch bird stir;
No more to clean dark fur;
No more to glisten as silk;
No more to revel in milk;
No more to purr.

Bury her deep, down deep;
She is beyond warm sleep.
She will not walk in the night;
She will not wake to the light.
Bury her deep.

--

I'll try to get around to a final European trip update in a few days.