the importance of tribe
May. 30th, 2012 03:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seldearI'm dealing with someone insidiously nasty at work. He makes small jibes of the kind that might be joking once or twice, but which never come with an apology.
Over time, such things build up, and there's also the risk that others in the office will take their cue from him. At least one person is showing such signs. Sadly, confrontation and reformation isn't an option with the ringleader, he'll just say I'm being too sensitive and make a joke of it - probably a gender-related one that's gently derogatory to women, because that's something else he does with clockwork regularity - and I'm fairly certain things would get worse.
Just to note: there's an essential difference between teasing and being mean. There's someone else in the office who walks the jokery line on the teasing side - and he apologises when he goes too far.
At any rate, it hit breaking point this afternoon. It was get out of the office or cry.
So I phoned![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
saramund and we chatted for about 20mins, only the first few minutes of which were about the situation at work. And, God, I needed that conversation very badly - just something encouraging and familiar with a member of what jenndavis calls my "tribe".
I guess Miss Cornelia would have called it "of the race that knows Joseph", while Anne Shirley/Blythe would have called it "kindred spirits". They're simply people that you can laugh with, be silent with, be silly with, and with whom you can trust your heart.
Over the years, my tribe has changed as tribes do - members come, members go - some people drift to the outskirts, while others stay in the core. They're not defined by geographical location but by soul location - how close our spirits are.
I was so very grateful forsaramund this afternoon, and I'm glad of those of my tribe who've been around when things were down as well as when they were up, and offered encouragement, prayers, and/or hugs as necessary.
Thanks, guys.
Over time, such things build up, and there's also the risk that others in the office will take their cue from him. At least one person is showing such signs. Sadly, confrontation and reformation isn't an option with the ringleader, he'll just say I'm being too sensitive and make a joke of it - probably a gender-related one that's gently derogatory to women, because that's something else he does with clockwork regularity - and I'm fairly certain things would get worse.
Just to note: there's an essential difference between teasing and being mean. There's someone else in the office who walks the jokery line on the teasing side - and he apologises when he goes too far.
At any rate, it hit breaking point this afternoon. It was get out of the office or cry.
So I phoned
saramund and we chatted for about 20mins, only the first few minutes of which were about the situation at work. And, God, I needed that conversation very badly - just something encouraging and familiar with a member of what jenndavis calls my "tribe".I guess Miss Cornelia would have called it "of the race that knows Joseph", while Anne Shirley/Blythe would have called it "kindred spirits". They're simply people that you can laugh with, be silent with, be silly with, and with whom you can trust your heart.
Over the years, my tribe has changed as tribes do - members come, members go - some people drift to the outskirts, while others stay in the core. They're not defined by geographical location but by soul location - how close our spirits are.
I was so very grateful for
saramund this afternoon, and I'm glad of those of my tribe who've been around when things were down as well as when they were up, and offered encouragement, prayers, and/or hugs as necessary.Thanks, guys.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2012-05-31 02:42 pm (UTC)And like sjhw_tolerance said, take action through official channels.
Way back in early 1997 when I began my IT career, I was at another site one day when I asked someone there an innocent technical question - but I wasn't even able to complete asking that question before a nearby team leader butted in and nastily tore strips off of me. I was left feeling stunned, shaken and very small - especially as I still had to remain at that site for the next two hours.
When I finally got back to my desk, I found a note to call someone whom I'd never heard of. He turned out to be someone who'd seen that team leader tear strips off of me, and he had reported the team leader for how badly I'd been treated. I was so stunned yet touched by that unexpected act of kindness, I went into the toilets after the call and burst into tears.
During the next six or so months I had to deal with that team leader several more times - but thanks to someone else taking proper action, I was never again treated like dirt.